so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
