omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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