I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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