I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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