I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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