Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
