We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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