I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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