Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
