I love black thongs
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
