No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
