Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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