white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
