If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Jerry, you need to find god
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The air was thick with penises
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
