this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize