You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
