Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
