i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
