also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
