I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
accomplished twins. life is a go
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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