Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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