Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
