It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
