I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
