I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
