He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
