I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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