Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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