guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
