dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
