Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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