So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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