If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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