you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You've changed since you got that strap on
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
