Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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