life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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