you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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