They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
