New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my shit smells like andre
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
