It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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