Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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