I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
