I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
