you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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