We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
