Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
