i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
