yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
