That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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