Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
