My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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