Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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