Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
