It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
