It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
