So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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