he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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