Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
