You kept calling me your small dog last night.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
