I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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