At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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