This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
