i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
