I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
