I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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