We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
