She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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