so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
