I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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