I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize