he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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