I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize