Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
