dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Randomize
