At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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