Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
