I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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