She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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