i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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