Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
