just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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