Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
