Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
