Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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