every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
did i walk over a car last night?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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