This beer is not sobering me up at all
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
